


Falling Through Eternity

by Herk



Series: Two Sides Of The Same Coin [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Character Study, Complete, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-12 01:05:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19218499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herk/pseuds/Herk
Summary: Crowley's journey from the Fall up to the Agreement. (I can't decide on a summary for this damn it)





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Later chapters will feature our favourite angel but this is Crowley-centric, so for the start he won't be more than a background character. BTW if anyone is interested in beta-ing, please leave a comment.

Crowley remembers _before_. His memory is incomplete but he does remember. Usually he is capable of recalling pretty much anything up to perfection if he tries  - but not _before_. Maybe the memory trick is something he only picked up as a demon but he doubts it. Angels are all about perfection after all.

 

He remembers his name although he really doesn’t care.

 

And he still remembers an astonishing amount of detail, from the way Michael’s right wing had that slight crook to it, not exactly in form but in the way the feathers seemed to always grow in a whorl, to the little cringe Uriel always gave when Sandolphon hit that one note in that one particular hymn just a tiny fraction of a moment too early. Those little imperfections, so few and far between, that for some reason he cherished when most everyone else tried to get rid of them.

 

There’s one thing he can’t recall though no matter how hard he tries: the absolute certainty of feeling God’s love for him through every fibre of his being.

 

He remembers his own love and devotion.

 

He remembers that he knew that that love was reciprocated.

 

But he simply can’t recall that feeling.

 

He guess it’s part of the Fall. Part of the punishment.

 

Or maybe - he thinks sometimes - it was never real. Maybe he just lied to himself back then and hasn’t grown up enough to admit it. Maybe he just is so weak that he still needs the comforting lie.

 

Right after the Fall, the beginning of his new existence, he’d felt so hollow. He spent an immeasurable amount of time or two curled in on himself, learning to just function with that feeling of loss.

 

In Heaven they might have helped each other through the pain.

 

In Hell everyone dealt with it on their own terms and lashed out at anyone who tried to interfere or even take an interest.

 

Crowley is pretty sure that the rest of the Fallen just burned all the memories from their minds. They only kept the vague feeling of resentment and hate to keep them going and were done with it.

 

Crowley can’t do it.

 

He needs a reason for his anger.

 

And Crowley IS angry.

 

Maybe if he repented and went crawling through the mud to apologize, maybe if he went all ‘mea maxima culpa’ then maybe, maybe he could go back.

 

But he won’t.

 

He shouldn’t have to.

 

All he did was asking questions. He relished in differences and was curious.

 

His biggest sin (back then) was being too naive to be frightened.

 

The Fall has taught him differently.

 

But he refuses to be broken. He refuses to give up even the tiniest bit of himself although it would make his existence easier. The other demons have adjusted to their new reality. They don’t suffer because they can’t remember, can’t imagine anything else.

 

Crowley can.

 

Which is why he suffers in Hell. Which is why he can be easily frightened (for a demon). Which is why he is as much of an outcast in Hell as he was in Heaven if not more.

***


	2. The Garden

When Luci-, when Satan searches for someone to go up to the Garden and make some trouble, Crawley jumps at the opportunity. Hell is drab and terrible and boring, he is more than ready for a change in scenery. And messing with the Almighty’s little pet project will be an added bonus.

 

“I’ve got an idea.” He states.

 

That earns him envious and contemptuous looks in equal measures. He answers them with a smug smirk. Being a bastard is his best defense.

 

He has to choose a form when he first approaches the garden. There are many creatures great and small living there but an angel - especially a fallen one - would raise suspicion. And he doesn’t want to be thrown out before he could stir some trouble.

 

That is after all his reason for being here - and if he didn’t succeed, his superiors wouldn’t be happy. And an unhappy Lu- Satan didn’t bear thinking about. Crawley chooses the skin of a snake. It fits the name he is going by below and it will allow him to hide and linger in the most inconspicuous places to spy on THEM. He will have to watch them to come up with a plan because so far he has none. But he’s sure he can come up with some nice suitable mischief to stir up some trouble faster than anyone else could.

 

For the first time since the Fall, Crawley feels confidence.

 

He watches them for days and days, fascinated by their humanity. He learns in those days that humans are endlessly curious and imaginative and in many regards bigger than either angels or demons. They are also innocent in a way that even the angels aren’t.

 

It takes him a while to find the reason behind this.

 

They simply don’t know.

 

They have no idea because the Almighty has kept it from them.

 

But they are curious, both of them, and he loves them just a tiny bit for that

 

There are two forbidden trees in the middle of the garden. Crawley doesn’t even consider for a moment to tempt them into immortality. No, the sweet irony of making them do something bad only for them to realise it afterwards, giving them a bit of a guilty conscience about something they couldn’t have known before - that has potential. Immortal children hold little appeal by comparison.

 

Besides they should know. They want to know. And what does free will and choice even mean if you don’t have the capacity to understand your choices?

 

The Almighty and the Heavenly Host will still be annoyed that stuck up bunch so his mission will be accomplished.

 

His only fear is that he will be called back afterwards. Well, he will remember the Garden, teeming with life and so, so green, and that alone will help him to survive the dullness of Hell.

 

It’s a pure coincidence that he runs into her first after he’s made his decision, no matter what some scholars will later claim. It would have worked as well the other way ‘round.

 

He tells her that there is knowledge hidden from them. Knowledge that can be acquired simply by tasting the fruit. She has no reason to doubt him. She doesn’t know what lies are. Not that he does lie in that moment but even if, she wouldn’t be able to grasp the concept.

 

It does take a bit for her worldview to adapt, for the understanding to fully settle in - enough time to share her treasure with him before she really understands that might be wrong.

 

Crawley smiles to himself as he watches them from cold, unblinking snake eyes, watching them as understanding dawns. As they see what they did, what disobeying means. They feel terrible about it and their bad conscience is clear for the Almighty to see when She next comes around.

 

The demon snake hides for as long as She’s close by but he slithers out afterwards to witness the fallout of his meddling. Frankly he is shocked. Despite everything he wouldn’t have expected this hard a sentence. She is meant to care a great deal about Her newest plaything. They couldn’t even have known beforehand. It’s simply…

 

He slithers up the wall and approaches the angel standing guard there. He has seen this one around the garden before - guardian of the Eastern gate if he’s not mistaken. Maybe it’s reckless for him to go near one of the unsullied, he is provoking a righteous smiting by his sheer presence. But he needs answers and he will hardly get them from the Almighty.

 

Crawley changes into his real form. Talking is easier with teeth and without a split tongue. Besides his work here is done so no need for subterfuge even if it could work with an angel of the Lord. His eyes feel different and it isn’t until much later when he catches his reflection by chance that he sees what has happened. Apparently the Almighty was well aware of his role in this little drama and has marked him as a reminder of this particular misdeed.

 

Well the joke’s on Her - he decides to like the snake eyes. They are far more stylish than the changes the other demons went through after all and they don’t smell.

 

When he isn’t smitten the moment he’s seen, Crawley speaks cautiously, tries to get a reaction, any explanation for this injustice. He should be the one that’s punished not them. Not that he wants to be punished but it’s the sheer injustice of the thing that nags at him.

 

Aziraphale doesn’t seem inclined to do any smiting despite everything. But he has no answers either. ‘Ineffable’ - what a cheap excuse for a real explanation. Typical - bloody - angel. But what did he expect of a member of the Heavenly Host?

 

Then he realises something. And because he sees no reason to keep his mouth shut, he prods at the glaringly obvious.

 

What did he expect of a member of the Heavenly Host? Certainly not to show pity and mercy without being told to. Certainly not to give away an ethereal weapon to someone who had just pissed off the Almighty enough to be thrown out of Eden. And certainly not to shield him - a demon from Hell - from the rain while they stood together in worried silence.

***

 


	3. The Second Sin

He’s gotten a recommendation for outstanding work after Eden. With the humans finally out from under the Almighty’s constant, close surveillance, there are many, many options to be had on Earth.

 

Down below follows his reasoning and decides that a permanent, local agent would be a good idea. And since Crawley is up there anyway, he has won the job. Anything else would be overly complicated.

 

Crawley is pretty sure the real reason is that the other more powerful demons have made themselves comfortable in Hell and don’t want to leave. By now they probably like the fact that they are constantly burning up while simultaneously freezing. Hell worked that way, you could be too hot and too cold at the same time and also completely miserable. But as long as there were other, lesser demons to terrorize, why would they want to change a thing?

 

Crawley certainly won’t tell them that earth is lush and full of life and how wonderful and clean the desert heat feels on his skin or how you could actually ward of the cold with a few pelts and a nice, cozy fire and it wasn’t at all bad and you didn’t have to be uncomfortable all of the time.

 

He keeps an eye on the humans. Sooner or later he will be expected to stir up something again but for now he’s content watching and studying them, watching them grow and change. If anyone asks he will call it opposition research. It’s necessary for any long term strategy.

*

Cain and Abel are nice boys and they grow into fine lads. Unbeknownst to their parents Crawley befriends both of them. There are other humans around - apparently the Almighty believed in a less restricted gene pool - so they aren’t surprised when they meet him. The humans are varied enough that his eyes don’t raise an eyebrow either, some people have blue eyes, some brown and at least one of them has yellow-golden ones with slit pupils, so what? As long as he keeps his wings hidden, he won’t stick out.

 

Cain is older so it’s only natural that he is sometimes jealous. At first he had his parents for himself, then the baby took part of that love for himself. But Cain also loves Abel and wants to protect him while Abel looks up to his older brother. There aren’t any other children around (yet) so they spent a lot of time together.

 

Crawley is fascinated by them and their relation. They are close in a way neither angels nor demons are. Angels are close to the Almighty, demons are close to no one. Their parents are close to each other but for other - obvious - reasons. They are more or less the same in standing, none really higher than the other and their relation has lumps and bumps and rough edges. Sometimes they hate each other. But there is clearly love there.

 

They also both love the Almighty.

 

That’s something Crawley doesn’t understand at first. The boys know what She did to their parents. They know how they themselves were punished before they were even born really. And still their parents instilled in them a love and longing for the Almighty’s approval.

 

When he first learns this, his immediate reaction is to despise them. To see them as nothing but fools. But neither Cain nor Abel are. And he is drawn back time and again until he finally understands that they can’t help but love Her. And once he understands that, he also realises that despite his anger and hate, he himself still also loves his Creator. 

 

Cain and Abel teach him that you can hate and love someone at the same time. He will never tell anyone but he will be eternally grateful for that lesson. 

 

When they are grown men, one is a farmer and one is a shepherd. Crawley prefers a fine piece of meat to some bread but he simply doesn’t understand why everyone acts as if Abel is so far better than his brother. The stupid sheep search their own water and planting is at least as much work as herding. Besides you need some bread about every day. Meat is mostly for Sundays.

 

So the resentment grows and Crawley understands, he really does.

 

What he doesn’t see coming is the end though. When the Almighty accepts Abel’s love but rejects Cain’s, it’s too much.

 

The first sin was a demon’s work. The second one is entirely human.

 

Why do scholar’s never point out the fact that one was eating an apple while the other one was murder? Why does the devil get any credit at all?

*

The angel approaches him under a date palm. “I wanted to check in on them,” Aziraphale starts. He sounds very, very sad and there are hints of repressed anger. “How could you? Those poor boys…”

 

“How could I?!” Crawley cries out. “I? Abel was my friend. As was Cain. I didn’t do shit, angel!” Seeing the shock on the angel’s face, he realises that maybe he was screaming a bit too loud. So he lowers his voice to something between a growl and a sigh. “No, that was all their own mess. Theirs and their parents’ and maybe the Almighty’s for encouraging it.” He has never seen a murder before - there had been no opportunity before - and it rattles him that first time.

 

The angel studies him with those big, blue, sad eyes of his and then nods. Maybe it’s his own bloody tears that convince Aziraphale, but the angel believes him and sits down at his side. They don’t touch. They don’t talk. They just stare down the hill to the freshly dug grave, the first of its kind but certainly not the last, and cry.

***


	4. So Pretty In The Sky

They run into each other a couple of times. At one point Aziraphale tells him that he has been assigned as Heaven’s agent to Earth. He’s Crawley’s counterpart.

 

Crawley wonders if this is a punishment for the lost sword but he never asks. Aziraphale is an angel, his enemy, someone not to be trusted. And he knows that the angel believes those things about him probably more than the other way around.

 

“Your wiles won’t go unchecked from now on. There is someone here now to thwart your evil schemes.”

 

Evil schemes - right. He needs to get back to those for a bit, otherwise downstairs will send someone to check on him again. Just enough to give his reports a bit of a personal touch. “So we will probably bump into each other from time to time.” He acknowledges with a grin. He does remember the flaming sword and the shelter from the rain. He also distinctly remembers that Aziraphale had pity for Abel AND Cain. “Could be worse.”

 

All he gets for his friendliness is pursed lips and a very curt “Quite.”

 

He shrugs and tries not to take it personal. Aziraphale is still an angel after all and probably had a very thorough briefing about the proper etiquette regarding Evil whenever he encounters it.

 

At the end of the day one thing sticks out though, there isn’t even a half-hearted attempt at smiting.

 

Crawley thinks he might be able to work with this guy.

 

He stays unsure though until the Flood.

 

He has no idea what’s happening until Aziraphale tells him. He is shocked. Really shaken to his core to be honest.

 

The angel clings to his bloody ‘ineffable’ and Crawley is ready to throttle him but he decides that he can do better. After all if these people - these kids - are so evil that the Almighty wants to punish them, then saving them is an evil deed.

 

And that’s what he will cling to if ever someone from down below will question him.

 

The problem is that 40 days is a lot. And there aren’t any boats around besides that blasted ark and so although Crawley tries, he manages nothing more than whisking away half a dozen kids to safety. He has to use a miracle in the end to achieve even this much and he drops them of far, far away with some natives who hopefully will take care of them.

 

When he hops back to see if there is anything that might still be done - like putting a big, nasty hole in that blasted ship just as a big up yours directed at upstairs - he only finds water. Tons and tons of water wherever he looks. And finally one very, very distraught angel, watching it all from the last bit that sticks out of the floods from a huge tree that once stood on a hill.

 

He wants to punish someone for this travesty, scream at the Heavens and maybe punch somebody.

 

His rage dies when he sees Aziraphale’s tears.

 

The angel has stayed although it’s killing him, so that someone will stand witness.

 

Crawley lands next to him and doesn’t say a word. They just watch the big, depressing surface with the floating corpses and the remnants of a once happy civilization.

 

After an eternity of shared silence the sky clears up and wonderful colours are painted on the blue canvas.

 

When Crawley screams “FUCK your rainbow!” at the top of his lungs, Aziraphale’s face doesn’t show even a hint of reproach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary - old testament God is a dick.


	5. Reaching For The Stars

 

Babylon is wonderful - a place of learning and teaching. It’s probably Crawley’s favourite place so far. He enjoys human settlements as a general rule. People are far more interesting than sheep in his opinion. But this is more. Their curiosity never left them and although it had many consequences (not all of them good) this is one of the best.

 

They come up with so many things. Poetry, math, astronomy and -logy, architecture.

 

Plus they have some of the very finest breweries he’s had the pleasure to encounter.

 

He isn’t too surprised to find the angel there. This place is brilliant so he expects heavenly influences.

 

“So I have to give you this one, angel. The city is impressive. I like the idea for a university that they came up with. Big tower to attract the best minds, quite brilliant actually.”

 

Aziraphale doesn’t look too happy. Probably he can’t take a compliment from the enemy - stuck up prick.

 

“The height’s mostly for stargazing I was told.”

 

“Ha - even better. Look at them, give them a few millennia and they will reach those stars.”

 

The angel sighs and Crawley gets a terrible sinking feeling in his stomach.

 

“No - ohhhhh no. Don’t you tell me that…”

 

“I’m afraid so. Upstairs has deemed this tower a sign of hubris, humanity’s attempt to become even more godlike. As such it can not be allowed to stand.”

 

“Noooo, angel, you can’t.” He protests but he knows it’s of no use.

 

“At least there won’t be any deaths involved.” The angel speaks quietly, grateful and ashamed for his own relief at the same time.

 

“What will they do thissss time?” Crawley is very agitated and it shows in his speech.

 

“I’m not entirely sure, they mentioned something called ‘languages’. Do you want to stay and have a look at what they mean by that?”

 

“Only if you buy me enough alcohol to drink myself into a stupor.”

 

The angel furrows his brow. He probably hasn’t tried alcohol yet. It IS a vice after all. Then his face shows determination and he waves over the bartender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lessons from the old testament: craving to become more and learning - BAD!


	6. Abraham

He stays away from Sodom and Gomorrah. There were a lot of nice and interesting things going on and he likes it. But he has seen enough of a pattern to know people upstairs will disapprove. He wonders if this is all really the Almighty’s doing or if some of the bastards in Heaven are screwing things over. 

 

He mentions the cities a couple of times in his reports downstairs although they aren’t particularly evil by humanity’s standards. Just some vices he can mostly get behind. He has no idea whether it’s Aziraphale or if they sent someone else down to do the actual smiting and killing. And he doesn’t want to know.

 

He likes to keep some illusions, namely that there’s at least one angel who might not be a total lost cause.

 

They meet again over Abraham.

 

When the Almighty promises him a child, Crawley is the one to point out that his wife is probably too old. He likes Hagar and the servant girl could use some kind of safety in her life. She is pretty and intelligent and if bearing Abraham a son is what it takes to finally give her a chance then she will do it.

 

Crawley is pretty pleased with himself until Sara actually gets pregnant. Now Hagar is in worse shape than before. Her son is illegitimate but he’s also older. Sara hates her younger, prettier servant even more and in the end Crawley needs to get very persuasive with Abraham so that the old fart sends Hagar away with enough money hopefully to make a life for herself elsewhere.

 

When Abraham gets the message to sacrifice his son and is actually ready to do it, Crawley isn’t all that surprised. He has seen the best and the worst that humanity has to offer (or so he thinks) and Abraham isn’t in the first category.

 

He sticks around out of morbid curiosity. He doesn’t plan on saving the kid, really. With the attention from upstairs that would be suicidal. But maybe… well maybe they’ll get distracted.

 

In the end the boy gets saved by an angel telling the father that a goat would do just fine.

 

Crawley wonders if Aziraphale decided that on his own or if there had in fact been orders to that end. He miracles a goat close by just to make sure no one has the opportunity to change their mind again.


	7. Egypt

They meet again in Egypt.

 

“You know this is all quite your fault.” Aziraphale starts without preamble.

 

Crawley raises an eyebrow. “Excuse me - what?”

 

“If you hadn’t messed with the brothers to sell little Joseph into slavery…”

 

Crawley opens his mouth to protest but then snaps it shut again. He turns on his heel and storms off. The gall really - and Egypt had been such a nice place overall. Not that he approved of slavery but that was the way of the world everywhere right now. The things humanity came up with really. And at least the Egyptians had their gods and the sphinx and pyramids going for them.

 

Aziraphale finds him at a local bar drinking beer. Little less than water actually but it is something and he can always do a little miracle-ing about to change the alcohol to everything else ratio.

 

“Crawley.”

 

“Piss off, angel.” He has shaved off his hair and is wearing a hairpiece as the local customs will have it. The damn thing is currently shifting position, slowly creeping towards his eyes and he is more annoyed by that than he should be.

 

“Crawley, storming off like that was very rude.”

 

“And accusing me of child slavery isn’t?” Most people wouldn’t even see the problem here and now. But Aziraphale is an angel.

 

He at least has the decency to look embarrassed and sits down next to him at the bar. “You are evil, my dear.”

 

“He was a kid, angel, nothing but a little child. I’ve got  _ some  _ standards.” He declares angrily. His “I thought you at least knew me better” is muttered so quietly that he’s sure even the angel won’t hear it.

 

“I apologize. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

 

He is more careful around the angel after that. To his eyes Aziraphale is a bit too on board with the plagues. And when he asks about the frikkin rainbow and how did that fit in with the plagues - and Sodom and Gomorrah for that matter - he gets no better answer than:

 

“It’s different.”

 

But even the angel can’t answer how exactly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well they took a couple of millennia to get to the arrangement. There had to be some steps back and misunderstanding


	8. Exodus

Crawley stays away from the Exodus. He’s had enough of angels, the Almighty, AND Her chosen people for a while. Besides upstairs keeps a pretty close eye on that particular caravan, so there’s little chance for any mishap.

 

The poor sods have it bad enough walking through the desert for decades if anyone asks him and manna was the dullest thing anyone could put into their body for nutrition or otherwise.

 

He stays in Egypt mostly, watching them rebuild and adjust and he travels a bit, looking after the Chinese, the Australian Aboriginals, the Native Americans - all those blessed (well non-blessed if you want to get technical) people who aren’t exactly in the laser focus of the Almighty’s ineffable plan.

 

He even does the occasional tempting if things otherwise would get too boring.

 

After 40 years or so he checks in on Jakob’s descendants.

 

He finds Aziraphale close to their tents.

 

“So how have things been, angel?”

 

“Oh, hello Crawley. Moses is dead.”

 

“Really? That’s a pity. I see they still haven’t arrived. Isn’t 4 decades a bit long to get lost?”

 

“You don’t have to be so flippant about it. It was a long and arduous journey but it was necessary. And now they can finally come home.”

 

“All part of the Great Plan, eh? So what changed, did they finally pass all the milestones they needed to?” After a bit of a break he finds he is at least vaguely interested in the Israelites again.

 

“Moses is dead.”

 

“What? I don’t understand.”

 

The angel sighs, readying himself for another argument. “He once did a miracle without crediting the Lord, so as a punishment, he wasn’t allowed to reach the promised land. Well, he got a last resting place with a very nice view at least.”

 

“What? That poor man stands up to his adopted grandfather and leads this bunch of bickering fools through the desert for decades, regularly giving rousing speeches and keeping them in check overall. He overcomes his shyness to get the job done. He gives up a life of luxury and safety to serve the Almighty and…”

 

“He makes one little mistake and has to pay a hefty price for it. Does it really surprise you?”

 

Crawley shuts up. He thinks about Adam and Eve. He thinks about the Fall. There is nothing to say really.

 

“He was such a nice man too. It took him so long to overcome his stuttering…” Aziraphale’s voice drifts of.

 

And with that Crawley decides he needs another break, from the Almighty, Her chosen people, and well meaning angels who nevertheless don’t really DO all that much. A longer one, couple of centuries maybe.


	9. Joshua Ben Josef

His break ends when down below tells him about the messiah. Of course he was born in Nazareth, so Crawley returns, reluctantly, to the holy land. He really has no big interest at this point. As far as he’s concerned, no matter how well you’re meaning as long as you were important to the ineffable plan, the Almighty would find a way and a reason to screw you over. And no one is quite as important as that carpenter at this point. Abraham and Moses have been little more than preambles to him so there undoubtedly is something really terrible waiting for him.

 

The worst part is that again he likes the young man. He tries very hard not to, not only because of policy but also out of self preservation instincts. Humans die far too easily and far too young, it simply doesn’t do to care too much for them individually.

 

Shortly before the main event he gets the orders to tempt Joshua Ben Josef and so he does. He shows him all the kingdoms of the world. It’s what downstairs wanted. So maybe he takes a bit more time showing him the most beautiful and most ridiculous parts of the world instead of tempting him with power over all of it. But really if he is the Christ, if he sacrifices everything for this world and its people then he should at least know what a platypus looks like, or an otter, or an aardvark. So he shows him the majesty of the giant redwoods and the view from Uluru, the water springing from a geysir and the spray from a great hunchback. He also shows him the palaces of China and Egypt and Rome with all their glory. Because - again - orders from below. Neither really tempt Joshua but at least Crawley’s selection doesn’t bore him.

 

When he shows the man a life that could be if he but turned away from his destiny - a quiet life, a wife he loves, children who adore him, friends who care about him - Joshua IS tempted if but for a moment.

 

In the end he turns from temptation though and the demon can’t help but feel a grudging respect next to his pity.

 

“I thank you for that, demon. You could have taken that vision away from me earlier. You could have given me less to hold in my heart once my hour is upon me.”

 

“I did have to make an effort with the tempting though, didn’t I?”

 

And the son of man smiles at him. “What is your name, friend?”

 

For Hea- for someone’s sake he should be offended. But he decides to indulge the man. There’s no harm in that. He is a dead man walking after this decision. “Crawley - but I’ve been thinking of changing it. I don’t think it ever really fit me.”

 

“Choosing one’s name, what a powerful notion. Tell me what will you call yourself?”

 

He hesitates. “Crowley.” He confesses finally.

 

And again Joshua smiles and a memory flutters close to the surface and for a moment he almost thinks he can remember the Almighty’s love from before the Fall. There really is no doubt in the demon’s mind that the Nazarethian is the real deal. “I like it. It suits you far better.”

 

A vision of black wings flying under the sun, leaving behind the dreadful mud in which he crawled just a moment before with his belly pressed to the ground.

*

Aziraphale comes to the crucifixion. They are both there to pay their respects. They exchange a few words and afterwards when all is over they go and share some wine. But they don’t really talk. Crowley thinks his exchange with Christ was too personal to share, certainly not now and maybe never. He wonders if the angel has similar thoughts but he doesn’t ask.

 

Aziraphale is the closest thing he has to a confidant but their relationship still isn’t nearly close enough for that. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The difference between Old and New Testament


	10. When in Rome...

With a few years and a few more miles of distance Crowley has put the whole messiah thing behind him. Although he doesn’t necessarily approve of capital punishment (their lives are so brief anyway, why cut them short), he does approve of the orgies. 

 

His hair is short to fit the local fashion and he thinks he looks quite regal.

 

And the dark glasses are a nice touch.

 

The Romans are a different stock from the Israelites and he needs a different approach to deal with his eyes in the public. And he likes it.

 

He is quite surprised to be called upon in a public tavern. He hasn’t been here long enough to make acquaintances among the local populous. 

 

But it’s the angel actually.

 

Who then proceeds to make a fool of himself. “Are you still a demon?” - Really? It obviously is the celestial being’s first attempt at small talk and it shows. So maybe Crowley’s response is a bit meaner than necessary, but really. Rubbing in that he’s among the fallen still stings to a certain extent even if it probably wasn’t meant to.

 

Aziraphale has been here a bit longer than him it seems and knows his way around. The offer to take him to dinner is a peace offering he guesses.

 

He doesn’t want to take the angel up on it. He doesn’t want to make the fool feel better after that faux pas but having someone who is already acquainted with the place show him around will make things easier. Plus Aziraphale is his eternal foe, they should thwart each other at every opportunity. He has taken an extended break from meddling with Heaven’s affairs directly but if he doesn’t know at least what they’re up to that might give a bad impression in his next performance review. There’s another one coming up in just a century or so. The third since he’s been sent upstairs - as if he didn’t have better things to do than placating those meddling idiots from downstairs. He really needs to get them off of his back one way or another.

 

So he says yes and lets Aziraphale teach him about oysters.

 

It’s quite an eye opener really.

 

Aziraphale is an angel. A being of pure love and devotion to the Almighty. A creature of light.

 

He shouldn’t be so damn indulgent in earthly pleasures.

 

Crowley is ready to admit that the oysters are quite tasty but the way the angel treats the whole experience… He has seen that with humans - usually during sex.

 

So the guardian of the Easter Gate, Heavenly agent on earth, principality of the Lord was apparently a bloody hedonist.

 

Crowley is so baffled by this new insight that he has no idea what to do about it. He keeps himself together more or less during their shared dinner, and luckily the angel seems to be totally clueless about his confusion so no harm done, right?

 

After the food he tempts Aziraphale to share a few amphorae of wine.

 

They have drunk before but this is different. This is social.

 

Crowley notices that the angel takes almost as much pleasure from good wine as he does from good food and he simply needs more time to compute all this.

***


	11. Decision

The Roman Empire is a big place and an interesting and varied one. Crowley’s temptings take him to all corners of the world and in between he does a bit of sightseeing. Life is good.

 

The Empire crumbles into pieces naturally and new ones rise from the ashes and humans continue to amaze him. He has a lot of time on his hand to contemplate them and himself and Heaven and Hell’s roles, meddling in their existence.

 

He knows he is different from the other demons and the longer he stays on earth the more pronounced those differences become. Whenever he drops downstairs for a quick report or to clarify something (which happens about every two or three decades on average) he feels that gap widening.

 

Around the fourth century he is pretty certain that he wouldn’t survive going back down there if it ever came to that. It was bad the first time, but back then they all had just learned to cope. Now they have grown comfortable in their role as torturers. He has grown comfortable in his role as Crowley.

 

He is a shitty demon objectively speaking. The only thing he ever had going for him is his ability to tempt. And even that is more due to a talent to read people, to see into their hearts and only tempt them to things that they already want deep down in their souls.

 

Humans amaze him. They are more terrifying than demons and more virtuous than angels and often it’s the same individuals too. 

 

And yet he has become more detached over the centuries. Humans have such fleeting lives and there are so many of them and he never felt comfortable letting any of them become close after Cain really.

 

Which means he’s alone mostly.

 

Crowley doesn’t like being alone, he’s a social pers- well demon. It would be nice to have some real company, someone who’d still be there in a century or two. Someone who wouldn’t stab him in the back at the first opportunity. So neither humans nor demons qualify.

 

He thinks about it for a long time, mulls the possible scenarios over in his head.

 

Aziraphale is different too - he knows that. Sheltering him from the storm, crying for the dead and the whole non-smiting thing have been there from the start.

 

But Aziraphale is still an angel, righteous and good and ready to believe the worst of Crowley. And besides that he is still absolutely loyal to the Almighty beyond doubt. If he weren’t, he’d have fallen and Aziraphale’s wings are still white.

 

But the angel has  _ doubts,  _ Crowley knows that.

 

And he’s at least as much of a gourmand as he is a gourmet.

 

And still he hasn’t fallen.

 

Crowley sometimes thinks that _he_ used to be a better angel before the Fall. And the fact that he’s being punished while Aziraphale is still part of Her Light should make him angry. And maybe he is - but not at the angel. It’s no fault of his that the Almighty is capricious.

 

In a way Aziraphale is as contradictory, as fascinating, as the humans, so maybe there’s some hope of companionship.

 

He comes up with a deal no reasonable person could refuse. So any proper angel would probably spit in his face. 

 

He’ll try to tempt Aziraphale next time they meet.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to end it here because from here on out it's more of a Crowley-Aziraphale journey than just Crowley's. Thanks for reading and hopefully you enjoyed it :)


End file.
